


who's that girl? it's jeyne...

by winter_bunny



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Developing Friendships, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Living Together, M/M, New Girl au, Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-29 00:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12619232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_bunny/pseuds/winter_bunny
Summary: “… and that’s my story. That’s why I need a new apartment but I digress, sorry, what was the question?”The guy in the middle, the one with the chin-length black hair, Theon, raised an eyebrow. “Do you have any pets-“ he looked at the application form in front of him. “-Jeyne?”





	1. Jeyne

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on 'New Girl', a show I love and I have no idea how many times I've watched it... :D
> 
> Anyway, feedback is appreciated ;)
> 
> Fun fact: I like to sing to myself, too...

“So, you know these horror movies where the girl’s alone at home, in a really big house with a lot of rooms full of furniture and she’s like ‘Oh, my God, there’s something in the basement. I’ll just go downstairs, in the dark, in my underwear, unarmed, to look what’s going on…’ and you’re just like ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?!’ but it’s too late because she already got murdered…” said the girl with the long brown hair and big hazel eyes. She was sitting on the old, comfortable armchair opposite the sofa staring at the three residents of the loft who were looking for a new roommate. “Well, my story is kind of like that…”

Then she told the story of how two weeks prior she came home early from some further training and caught her boyfriend cheating on her.

“… and that’s my story. That’s why I need a new apartment but I digress, sorry, what was the question?”

The guy in the middle, the one with the chin-length black hair, Theon, raised an eyebrow. “Do you have any pets-“ he looked at the application form in front of him. “-Jeyne?”

Silence.

“You know what’s funny?” Jeyne asked with an amused chuckle instead of answering his question. “When I saw your ad on Grennslist, I actually thought you were women.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. Why would you think that?” The guy on Theon’s left side looked slightly offended. He sat up and pushed his brown curls out of his face.

“I don’t know, probably because of the words you used, like ‘sun-soaked’ and ‘beige-y’…”

Theon chuckled and pointed towards the one on his left side. “Loras wrote it.”

And if that had been some kind of keyword, said guy Loras began to take off his shirt and threw it carelessly on the floor. He casually leaned back, an almost overconfident smile on his face as he put his elbows on the back rest of the sofa. “What about this?” he pointed towards his well toned chest and stomach. “Is this ‘beige-y’, too?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Theon looked at him with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

“This is LLL. Or simply, Triple-L.” Loras explained naturally.

“What?!” That was the first word the third guy on the sofa said since they had sat down there.

“Ladies love Loras…”

“Ladies love Loras?! Are you kidding me?! What’s wrong with you?” Theon shook his head and pointed towards the shelf next to the sofa. “Jar. Right now. And put your shirt back on…”

“Seriously?!” Loras asked with an annoyed undertone. “Seven hells.” He got up, fetched some money from the pocket of his jeans and put it into a jar labeled with ‘douche bag jar’. He caught his shirt from the floor next to the sofa and started to put it on again.

Jeyne got up from the armchair and walked around the living room. “I really like this place. There’s so much light in here. Ramsay hated light… It’s still hard to say his name…” she crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked down sadly.

“That’s okay. Gendry knows what you’re talking about.” Loras said, probably not in the most sympathetic way. “He got dumped, too.”

“Yeah, I got dumped. Myrcella dumped me, okay? I’m over it. It’s been over six months and I don’t know why we’re still talking about that?” Gendry, the not very talkative one, said and covered his eyes with both of his hands.

Jeyne continued walking through the living room, looking at the books and the other stuff in the book shelf, the pictures on the wall and other stuff. The guys even had a basketball hoop in their living room. She really liked that loft. The kitchen, dining room and living room were kind of one big room without any walls or doors. She walked into the kitchen area and stood behind the kitchen island.

“You know what? I want to live here.” she said and a smile spread on her sad face as Loras, Theon and Gendry followed her to stand on the opposite of the kitchen island.

“Well, I still have some questions.” Theon said as he leaned forward on his forearms, interlaced his fingers and looked at Jeyne. “No offense, you know, but we barely know you.”

“Yeah, no problem, I understand that. I’ll just say as it is… I’m kind of pretty emotional right now because of the breakup, so I’ll probably be watching ‘The notebook’ at least four or five times- a day… Uhm, what else?” she looked around the kitchen. “I’m an elementary school teacher, so I bring a lot of sweets and popsicles and stuff like that… Also, I like to sing to myself a lot…” and continued in a singsong. “A looooot.”

She looked to the side and crossed her arms in front of her chest again. “And I’m tired of living with my friend. She’s a model. All of her friends are models.”

“How soon can you move in?” Theon asked immediately.

“Greyjoy, slow down.” Gendry said and grabbed his arm.

“Okay, could you just give us a second?” Theon asked with a bright smile on his face. “I just got to talk to my boys.”

“We’re not your boys, Theon.” Loras said. “’Your boys’ is not a thing. Another word and you’ll put money into the jar, too.”

Theon looked tempted to continue with something like ‘my boys’ or ‘my bros’ or anything but kept his mouth shut. Jeyne looked after them as they disappeared in the hallway towards the other side of the loft. She knew that they wanted to talk in private and for a moment she remained in the kitchen area. She opened some of the cupboards and drawers and looked at the things inside.

Then she opened the refrigerator and was surprised, more or less. There were four shelves inside, one for each resident of the loft. Gendry’s was full with healthy food like fruit and vegetables, dairy goods. The shelf of Loras was practically empty except for some energy drinks and Theon’s contained several cans and bottles of beer and some liquor. The fourth one was empty.

She closed the door of the refrigerator but eventually her curiosity won. She followed the muffled voices to the bathroom. She pressed her ear against the door just in time to hear Theon say “… she’s in.”

“Woooooooo…” Jeyne let out a cry of joy as the door was opened and Theon, Loras and Gendry stood right behind it. “You won’t regret it…”

 

\---

 

A week later

 

Jeyne lay on the couch (again), watching ‘The notebook’ (again) but only for the second time this day and it was already afternoon. And she was crying again.

Theon sat at the kitchen island, eating one of the sandwiches Gendry had bought for them on his way home. Gendry stood next to him as Loras joined them a moment later. He grabbed his sandwich, started unpacking it as Jeyne let out a mix of shouting, sobbing and crying.

“I HATE YOU.” She punched one of the pillows. “I HATE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOUUUU…”

Loras rolled his eyes and whispered “Theon, this is your fault. She’s been acting like this for a week now. Go and fix it.”

Theon chewed and swallowed and lay down his sandwich. “Okay, okay.” He wiped his hands and mouth clean with a napkin and walked over to the sofa. He sat down next to Jeyne who lay there curled up into a ball. “Hey. How are you doing?”

She sniffed. “I’m fine.” Obviously a lie.

“Well, sit up.” Theon said and put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “Come on.”

Jeyne rubbed her wet, swollen eyes and followed his order. She sat up and looked at him. Theon reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue and handed it to Jeyne. She took it and dried her eyes and cheeks. “Thank you.”  

“You know what? You need to get up from this sofa and stop watching ‘The notebook’.”

Jeyne sniffed again and for a short moment he thought that she would start to cry again. Theon looked down to see her hands fidgeting with the wet tissue.

“You know what? Gendry, Loras and I, we’ll take you out tonight. We’ll go to a bar or a club and I promise you, you’ll have a lot of fun so that you won’t even think about Randy.”

“Ramsay…”

“Yeah, whatever… What do you say?”

“That sounds good.” She mumbled and smiled thankfully at him, an honest smile, not some fake smile she would put on to feign happiness. “Thank you, Theon. I really appreciate that.”

He returned her smile, opened his arms to pull her into a tight hug. “You’ll be fine eventually.”

“Yeah.” They broke apart and she dried her eyes again. “Guys, would it be okay if my friend Sansa would join us?”

“Sansa? Is that the model friend?” Loras asked from the kitchen island. The words ‘model friend’ caught Gendry’s attention, too, and his head turned around towards Jeyne and Theon.

Jeyne’s eyes wandered from Theon to Loras to Gendry, who all had a very excited expression on their face and couldn’t wait for her to answer. Ever since Jeyne had mentioned that her best friend was a model they had been waiting to be introduced to her. Jeyne nodded slowly which was replied by the whispered ‘Yes’.

 

A few hours later, the guys were already ready to go out, dressed and everything, as the long awaited knock on the door could finally be heard.

Jeyne, still not ready to go out, one strand of her hair curled up on a curling iron, still no makeup on her face or dressed properly, hurried to the door. Before she opened it she turned around to the guys sitting on the sofa. “Please do me one favor… Behave yourself.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? As if we didn’t know how to behave-“ Loras said.

“You know what I mean…” she raised an eyebrow and turned around to open the door. “Heeey, Sansa.”

Loras, Theon and Gendry got up from the couch in the same moment as a tall, beautiful woman walked in. Her long auburn hair fell down on her shoulders in soft waves. She was dressed in a dark blue dress which brought out her porcelain skin and river blue eyes.

“Close your mouths.” Jeyne hissed as she watched their reaction. “Sansa, that’s Theon, Gendry and Loras. Theon, Gendry and Loras, this is Sansa.” Then she turned around to return to her room. “I’ll just get ready, I’ll be back in ten minutes, fifteen at most. Sit down and just ignore them.” She added with a wink.

Sansa looked at the guys with a suspicious glance before she sat down on the armchair.

“So, you’re a model?” Gendry asked and leaned forward on his knees, casually holding a bottle of beer in his hand.

“Yeah.” Sansa said slowly. “Mostly print at the moment-“

“What is that?” Loras interrupted her. “Do you feel that too? It’s getting so hot in here…” And he started to take off his shirt.

“Please, Loras, don’t do it again.” Theon rolled his eyes.

Sansa looked at him unimpressed. “Please put your shirt back on, I’m not in the mood for a laugh.” She deadpanned.

Gendry and Theon chuckled as Loras sullenly grabbed his shirt, got up and left for the kitchen. “Anyone want another drink?” he murmured.

“Another beer.” Theon said without taking his eyes of Sansa.

“Yeah, me too.” Gendry agreed.

“A beer would be nice, thanks.” Sansa said.

Loras returned to the sofa with four beers, handed one to each one gathered there. They opened the bottles and took a sip. Then they sat there in silence and only some rumbling around from Jeyne’s room was heard.

 “Listen.” Sansa finally said. “Jeyne is the greatest girl I know and we’ve been best friends since childhood… And if you let anything happen to her I’ll come here and crazy murder all of you. I’ve grown up with three brothers and a sister who’s almost like a boy, I know how to fight and stuff…”

She was interrupted by the sound of footsteps and Jeyne appeared in the living room. She, too, was dressed in a dark blue dress with matching high heels and bag, her curls casually pinned up and only a little makeup put on.

The guys and Sansa looked at her.

“What do you say? Can I go out like that?” she asked with a shy smile.

“Wow.” Theon was the first one to say something. “You look amazing.” He said with a smile.

“Thanks…” her smile got brighter. “So, are you guys ready to go out and have some fun?”


	2. Suck it, Mr. Crabs!

“I can’t wait to meet him.” Jeyne said excitedly. She stood at the kitchen island, a tray with a glass of orange juice, crumbled eggs, several sandwiches and some other breakfast stuff in front of her. In her hands she held another sandwich, peanut butter and jam this time.

“No, Jeyne, please, he’s sleeping. He flew in late last night and we took him straight to the bar. Took a bunch of shots, got drunk and screamed ‘We love Winterfell’ and now he’s happily passed out.” Theon explained as he took his big mug from the cupboard above the sink and poured coffee in it. He walked around her and sat down at the kitchen island, staring at the tray of breakfast. He lifted his free hand to grab one of the sandwiches but Jeyne slapped it away.

Theon sighed. “Let him sleep.”

“This is not for you, Theon. Also, I’m glad not to be the new kid anymore.” She smiled at him. “I’m one of you guys now.”

“You’re still the new kid. Snow lived here even before Gendry did.”

A week prior Gendry had announced that he and his ex girlfriend Myrcella had gotten back together and that they would move to the capital together. Coincidentally an old friend of Theon and Loras named Jon would come back from North-of-the-Wall where he had been a professional sword fighter and would move into Gendry’s old room.

“I can’t believe he was a professional sword fighter.” Jeyne said, still excited.

“Yeah, but it’s sword fighting we’re talking about. And North-of-the-Wall, okay? He was a professional sword fighter for the North-of-the-Wall team, Jeyne.” Loras, who had just entered the loft after he had come back from his morning workout, looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “That’s a big difference.”

“You’re jealous, Loras. That’s so cute.”

“Jealous? Of Jon?” Loras snorted. “No, I’m definitely not jealous of Jon. Okay, it’s been what, three years? He has to recognize it. I’m a lot flyer now. Want to see me flex my base?” and with that he grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Theon said. “Put your shirt back on.”

“Let me flex my base, Theon. Boom, boom.”

While the two guys were about to get into a mock argument Jeyne finished the breakfast tray by placing a flower on it, took it from the kitchen island and walked over towards Jon’s room. “He’s going to love it.”

She opened the door, walked inside and placed the tray on the night stand next to bed. The dishes clattered loudly and the sleeping man woke up with a gasp. “Who-? What? Who the fuck are you?!”

“I’m Jeyne.” She said and raised her hands and before Jon could say another word she continued to sing. “I’m Jeeeeeeeyne.”

“What the fuck is happening?” Jon shouted at her.  “Why are you doing this?”

In the kitchen Theon and Loras just stared at each other with shaking heads.

 

Half an hour later Theon and Jeyne stood in the bathroom. Theon grabbed his toothbrush and the toothpaste while Jeyne put some lotion on her hands.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me he was hungover.” She blamed him with a pout.

“I totally told you he was hungover. I said he was at the bar with us and now he’s passed out in his room.” Theon replied, put some of the toothpaste on the toothbrush and began to brush his teeth.

“Hey, Jon.” Jeyne said and Theon turned around to see that Jon had entered the bathroom, too. “Hey, I want to apologize for what happened before. Not cool, bad call. I’ve been talking to Theon and Loras about boundaries, so I totally get it.”

“Perfectly fine, no problem.” Jon answered with a yawn. “I’d like to take a shower now, so if you don’t mind…” He made a gesture for her to leave the room.

“Oh, yeah, I get it.” She smiled an apologetic smile and left the bathroom quickly.

 

After Theon had brushed his teeth and Jon had taken a shower the two guys stood in the dining room area passing a basketball between them.

“You know that he’ll never give you your room back, don’t you?” Theon said with a smirk as he threw the ball towards Jon. He caught it and dribbled it several times.

“Come on, it’s Loras.” Jon laughed and passed the ball back to Theon. “North-of-the-Wall we had a saying. It’s ‘This guy is so stupid, we could easily take things away from him’.”

“That’s a saying?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Weird saying.” Theon laughed too.

“Hey guys.” Jeyne walked in from the hallway. “Oh, you’re playing b-ball. You know, my Dad and I used to play when I was a kid. I’m actually pretty good, let me join.”

Theon and Jon shared a look, Theon just shrugged and threw the ball towards Jeyne who caught it easily. She began dribbling the ball while the guys watched her warily.

“Defense, defense, watch out for the defense.” She sang along while dribbling through the living room area. “Sneaky, sneaky, wah-wah…”

Jon cocked his head to the side and threw Theon a questioning look. He shrugged again. “You get used to it.”

“Yo, Loras, the ball-“ Jeyne shouted and passed the ball to Loras who had just entered the living room too. Jeyne had caught him unaware, the ball bounced from his shoulder towards the TV. Shattering noises were heard and Jeyne's hands flew up to cover her eyes. “Oops.”

“’Oops?! Jeyne, seriously?” Theon groaned, crossed the room and stood beside her. “The TV?!”

“My bad.” She whispered, put her hands on her hips and made a face. “Sorry, guys.”

“That was my TV, Jeyne.” Theon looked at the broken screen with a mixture of sadness and anger.

“That was kind of all he had.” Jon who stood next to Theon by then put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“I’ll get you a new one. I just can’t afford it right now…”

“You don’t know me like that yet, but I need a TV.” Jon said.

“Do you have a TV at Randy’s?” Theon asked.

“Ramsay... Yeah, I have actually, it’s just really big and thin and bright.” She collected the ball from the floor and sat down on the sofa, the ball placed on her thighs and leaning her elbows on it.

“Go get it. GO GET IT!” Loras joined the conversation.

“No, I can’t call Ramsay. I haven’t talked to him since-“

“He hasn’t even tried to apologize or anything?” Loras asked unbelievingly. “Asshole…”

“-I haven’t talked to him since I caught him cheating on me… I just don’t want to fight with him, I want to be friends actually…”

“Why would you want to be friends with that cheating asshole, Jeyne?” Theon sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder, his anger about the broken TV forgotten for the moment.

“He has power over me. Like he’s some sorcerer and I’m his apprentice. I think it’s his hair, he has beautiful black hair. Every time I see it I get the whoo-whoos.” She said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Loras sat down on her other side. “Jeyne, I know. Closure. Ouch, am I right?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, think about it-“

“Loras, shut up.” Theon said. “It’s not complicated. Just get the TV back.”

Jeyne looked at him and he added quickly. “And your other things, too, of course.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll do it. I’ll call Ramsay and I will talk to him and I will talk to him, so yay.”

 

While Jeyne went to meet with Ramsay, the guys went to a diner nearby.

“How’s your yoghurt thing, Loras?” Jon asked and put a spoon of ice cream into his mouth.

“Oh, the parfait? It’s parfait actually.” Loras answered as he looked at the tub of parfait in front of him.

The waitress stopped at their table to fill their glasses of juice up and Loras put his most charming smile on his face. “You look so pretty today. And smart.”

“Don’t talk to me, Loras.” Without another word she turned around and left. Loras looked at Jon and Theon opposite him and shrugged.

“So, you’re making all the calls now?” Jon continued.

“Sure.”

“So this means, you’re the top dog now.”

“Yeah?”

Jon nodded slowly and looked at Theon who sat on his right side. Theon smirked and nodded too. “Absolutely.”

Loras looked at them with a smile. “You know, I’m glad you guys think that, because, you know, I think that too.”

“One hundred percent.” Jon continued. “When I moved out, there was obviously a power vacuum.”

“Yeah, I needed a leader.” Theon assured him, that slight smirk still on his face.

Loras’ eyes went from Theon to Jon. “Theon’s a bottom. You know how I mean it, no offense.” He added towards Theon.

Theon nodded. “Absolutely. Say, Jon, do all top dogs need the biggest room in the loft?”

“No, but I definitely see what you’re saying though. Every top dog is different. Hey Loras, what kind of top dog are you?”

“The one with the biggest room.” Loras answered naturally, looking at his parfait.

 

\--- Later, back in the loft ---

“Hey Theon, where’s Jon?” Loras asked as he joined Theon in the living room.

“I think he’s in his room.” Theon answered while staring at his phone, watching some show on Netflix.

Loras sat down on the armchair opposite the sofa and looked at Theon intently. “Do you really think I’m the top dog?”

_Gods, Jon was so right_. Theon thought and tried to suppress another smirk. He swallowed and nodded slowly. “Yes.” he said dryly.

“You think that I’m head baller, shot caller?”

Theon continued nodding and suppressing the smirk. “Yes. Yes, Loras, I feel that way.”

Loras smiled and got up from the armchair to join Theon on the sofa. “See that, man? That’s my new thumb ring.” He held his hand in front of Theon’s face. “How choice is that? Little skull. It’s so nectar?”

“Did you just make that up, Loras?”

“No, it’s a volleyball term.” He turned around and looked towards Jon’s room. “What the hell is he doing in there all the time? He can’t hang out in there, it’s too small.”

In that moment the front door opened and Jeyne and Sansa entered the loft.

“Hey Sansa.” Loras said and stood up immediately.

“Hey, are you all right?” Theon asked worriedly as he saw the expression on Jeyne’s face and her blurred make up which meant that she had cried.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get the TV.” She said with a crooked voice and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“What happened?” Loras looked at her caringly.

“Ugh, I’m a terrible roommate.” Jeyne sat down on the edge of the sofa.

“Seriously, guys.” Sansa intervened. “You told her to call Ramsay? That is not your job. That is my job.”

“All right, so, what happened?” Theon moved over so he sat next to Jeyne.

Jeyne sighed and rolled her eyes. Then she told how she met with Ramsay and that he hadn’t had her stuff with him and how she ended up driving him and his new girlfriend, the one he had cheated on Jeyne with, to the airport. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Oh my god, Jeyne, are you kidding me?” Theon asked unbelievingly. “What an ass… Listen, you need to stand up and you need to fight him.”

“I can’t fight him, I’m powerless.”

“Because you’re not ready to let him go. Deep down you know, once you get all your stuff it’s over over.”

Sansa nodded. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I think Theon is right.”

“Thank you.” Theon mouthed.

“No, you guys are wrong. I really want to move on.” Jeyne insisted.

“Then fight him.”

“All right, I want to fight him.”

“Then get angry.”

“I want to get angry.”

And Theon got up, grabbed a pillow and held it towards Jeyne. “Okay, we’re doing this. Pretend this is Randy’s face. Punch it.”

Jeyne got up, too, not bothering about correcting him this time. She stood in front of him, still not totally convinced of it.

“Come on, punch it.”

She punched the pillow lightly.

“You call that punching?” Theon asked. “Punch him harder!”

And she punched harder.

“Yeah, go on, do it again. Punch it like a man. Get angry.”

“Yeah, Jeyne, get angry. Really angry.” Sansa encouraged her.

Theon continued holding the pillow while Jeyne hopped up and down, while dance punching the pillow, how Theon called it. “He broke your heart. He did terrible things to you. You hate him.”

“I’m angry.” Jeyne shouted with another punch. “I’m mad.”

“You’re ready.” Theon threw the pillow back on the sofa. “Go and get your stuff.”

Jeyne looked at him. “I’m going to get my stuff. I’m really mad.” She turned around and walked towards the front door. Then she turned around and walked back to the sofa.

Loras clapped his hands. “Go and get it, girl!”

“I’m going to face the facts. And I’m going to ask you guys right now to come with me.”

Silence and not very enthusiastic faces were the answer.

“Seriously, guys, I can’t carry everything alone and I can’t be alone.”

Theon, Loras and Sansa looked at each other and got up.

“I’ll call Robb.” Sansa said and got her phone out of her purse. “He’ll help us getting your stuff.”

“Who’s Robb? Your boyfriend?” Loras asked, sounding probably a little bit too interested.

“Robb’s my brother.” Sansa looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, cool…”

 

Twenty minutes later they sat in Jeyne’s car. They had just picked up Sansa’s brother Robb, a guy almost as beautiful as his sister with messy auburn curls and the same river blue eyes, and were on the way to Ramsay’s house. Jeyne turned up the volume, heavy-metal music was playing on the stereo. “Yeah, loud music.”

No one said anything until Jeyne continued. “What am I going to say?”

Theon looked at her from the passenger seat. “How about ‘Hey Randy, give me my TV back.’”

“Hey Ramsay, give me my TV back, buddy.” Jeyne repeated.

“Hey. No ‘buddy’, okay? How about ‘jerk’ or ‘idiot’ or ‘asshole’?”

“Mr. Crabs.” Jeyne said.

“Mr. Crabs is an option.” Robb said from the back seat. That was the first thing he said after ‘Hi’ and some ‘Nice to meet you’s after being introduced to the others by Sansa. He leaned forward and put a hand on Jeyne’s shoulder. “Okay, Jeyne, just pull over right here. We’re there.”

Instead of slowing down Jeyne sped up again. “Another round.” Altogether it took her another six rounds until she was finally ready to pull over at Ramsay’s house.

She got out of the car and walked over the lawn towards the front door. She ringed the bell and turned around to look at her friends who nodded encouragingly. A few moments later a man opened the door, pulling his long black hair back into a pony tail.

“This is the sorcerer?!” Theon asked unbelievingly. “He’s wearing a scrunchie…”

“Yeah, he looks so stupid, right?” Robb chuckled and Theon felt a smile spreading on his face. He had liked Robb from the moment he had gotten into the car.

“Come on, Jeyne, just go in there and get that TV.” Loras shouted through the open window of the car.

They watched as her ex boyfriend put his arms around Jeyne’s soulders and pulled her into a hug.

“Please don’t hug him back, Jeyne.” Sansa whispered. “Ugh.”

And the Jeyne returned the hug.

“That’s not healthy.” Sansa stated.

They couldn’t exactly hear them talking but suddenly Jeyne squirmed herself out of the hug and took a step back. She walked to the side of the stairs and looked at the plant standing next to the door. She bent over, grabbed the sides of the flower tub, lifted it and threw it onto the lawn. Then she turned around and screamed at Ramsay. “I told you to water the plants.”

Then she walked past him and entered the house. “I’m going to get my stuff.”

Ramsay followed her inside and Robb, Loras, Sansa and Theon could hear a lot of clattering and clashing mixed with Ramsay shouting that Jeyne should take off her shoes and that she should put down this and that she should put down that.

A few moments later Jeyne appeared in the entrance again, wearing a lot more clothes and hats and bags than she did before and, most importantly, she was carrying the TV. “I got it. It’s really heavy but I got it.” She shouted towards her car.

She walked or rather staggered over the lawn, Ramsay at her heels. “Come on, Jey-Jey, we can talk about this.”

Jeyne turned around and looked at him. “This is my shirt.”

Ramsay, who had taken off his sweater, stared down at himself. “No, this is my shirt.”

“No, it’s my shirt.” Jeyne insisted. “It has my name on it.” It was actually one of her favorite shirts, the one her pupils from elementary school had given her after they had made jam together, it said ‘Mrs. Poole’s JAM-session’.

She dropped the TV and the bags and grabbed the back of the shirt and tried to pull it off Ramsay. “Give me my shirt.”

Her friends left the car and Theon walked behind Jeyne, put his arms around her waist and lifted her away from Ramsay.

“Who are these guys?”

“My roommates.”

“Hi Sansa.” Ramsay said as Sansa walked past him.

“Fuck off. Jeyne, I’m going inside and get the rest of your stuff.”

Meanwhile Loras and Robb grabbed the TV and carried it to the car, putting it into the trunk.

“Wait, Jeyne.” Ramsay tried to intervene. “Let’s just talk about this, ok?”

“No, we can’t, we’re not together anymore, it’s not the same. There’s nothing to talk about. And give me my shirt back.”

“Yeah, give her her shirt, man.” Robb said.

“No, I don’t want. I like this shirt.” Ramsay insisted. “And besides, I gave her this hat. I’m going to take this back.” He pointed towards a red woolen beanie on the top of the pile of hats on the ground.

“This one? You want this one?” Theon was faster. He grabbed it and put it on his head. “Then I dare you, come and take it off my head, pal.”

Robb looked at him with a smile, the red beanie looked good on him. He found that it fitted with his long dark hair. He walked over to the pile of hats, too, and put one with cat ears on his head.

“You guys look ridiculous.” Loras said with his hands on his waist.

“Give her the shirt back already.” Theon said again. “I bet she worked hard through that JAM-session.”

Jeyne smiled at him. “Yeah, play on words.”

“The girl made a lot of jam, man.” Robb fell in. “You know how time-consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit, a lot of fresh fruit actually… Strawberries. Raspberries. Blackberries. Maybe a-“

“No more fruit, Robb.”

Ramsay looked at them unbelievingly. “You live with these people, Jey-Jey? Seriously? Stay here until you find a better place to live.”

“I don’t want a better place to live. This is the best place. It’s over, Ramsay. I spent years trying to figure you out. But all you are is a guy with really beautiful hair. I’m happy you cheated on me. Really. Thank you, because if you hadn’t I would have probably married you. And then you would have hurt me all over again. And yeah, I was scared to start over again. I didn’t know what to do. And yeah, I live with three guys I met on the Internet. I know, stranger danger is real but I love these guys. I barely know them but I love them.”

“I would just take it easy with the love stuff.” Theon interrupted her.

“All of them.”

That made Loras finally move forward, too. He grabbed a hat with a big pink flower on it from the ground and put it on his head. “Give her the shirt back, man.”

“What happens if I don’t?” Ramsay asked unsure.

Robb strode forward. “You know what happens?” Without another word he slapped him across the face. “You just got Robb-ed.”

He turned around and met Theon’s gaze. “Nice one.”

Robb smiled. “Thank you.”

“I got your stuff.” Sansa appeared on the lawn, wheeling Jeyne’s bike.

“Fine.” Ramsay finally gave in, he pulled off the shirt and threw it towards Jeyne. “Here. Take it. I thought we were going to handle this like adults, Jeyne.”

“Yeah, well, I thought you were the love of my life, so…” She shrugged and turned around to leave. “Suck it, Mr. Crabs!”


	3. Night out with Sansa

“Hey Loras, hey Jon, where’s Theon?” Jeyne asked entering the kitchen area. It was early in the afternoon and Loras and Jon sat at the kitchen isle drinking coffee.

“He’s in his room, getting ready for a date.” Loras answered with a chuckle. “Can you imagine that? Theon on a date. With Kyra.”

“No way… Kyra from the bar?”

“I know. Weird, right?”

Jeyne grabbed a cup from the sink and poured some coffee in it. “Yeah, I just got to ask him something.” She turned around and left for Theon’s room. She could hear the reggae music getting louder as she came closer. Without knocking she opened the door. “Gods, Theon, could you please- Aaaaah.” She shrieked, let out a giggle and immediately slammed the door shut again. She returned to the living room where Loras and Jon were now sitting on the couch.

She cleared her throat. “Can I talk to you for a second? Something happened.”

Loras and Jon exchanged a glance and just raised their eyebrows.

“It was totally an accident, definitive not a big deal… I just want to be mature and come clean about it. I accidently saw Theon’s pee-pee.”

“What?!” Jon’s eyes widened. “What did you say?!”

“I accidently saw Theon’s pee-pee and his bubbles… But it’s not a big thing.” Then she continued in her typical singsong way. “Not a big thiiiing.”

Loras shook his head in disbelief and Jon just rubbed his face with both hands. Then they heard Theon’s room’s door open and Theon coming out of it, wearing a black hoodie with the hood pulled deep into his face.

“Oh, hey Theon, hey.” Jeyne turned around and walked over. “So, that was pretty weird, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think we should talk about it.”

“Jeyne, I have to go.”

“So we should not talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“About me seeing you peen.” Jeyne mumbled.

Theon cocked his head to the side, closed his eyes and let out an annoyed sigh.

“The peen what I saw.” Jeyne continued in a horrible cockney accent as Loras and Jon amusedly watched the scene without any comment. “Bonjour, le peen.”

“You’re blocking the door, Poole.”

“Okay, have fun on your date.”

She stepped aside so Theon could leave the apartment. Groaning she walked over and let herself fall on the couch.

“Oh my god, Jeyne, that was horrible.” Jon laughed as Loras still looked at her in disbelief.

“What am I going to do now? He’s never going to talk to me again, I’m so embarrassed.” She put her face in her hands and leaned forward.

“Jeyne, don’t worry.” Jon said and casually took a sip from his cup. “I’ve seen Theon’s stuff like a million times.”

Loras turned around and looked at him questioningly. “You have? I mean, how?”

“We grew up together, were in the same football team, swimming pool, it just happens.”

“Why haven’t I seen it?”

“What?! Why do you want to see it?”

“He’s my best friend.”

“Actually, I am his best friend, but again, why do you want to see it?”

“What if he gets into an accident? Horribly disfigured and all that remains are his private parts and I would have to identify him? And I’m standing there saying ‘Sorry, Officer, I can’t help you because I’ve never seen my best friend naked.'”

“Loras, I wanted your help…”

“Alright, what happened after you came into the room?”

“I don’t know, I probably laughed a bit.”

“Jeyne, you can’t laugh at a naked man. And especially Theon, he’s delicate, like a flower. Like a damaged flower who hates himself. Now, listen to me. Just act like this never happened.”

“But we live together, we’re a family. Families talk about things…”

“No, no one will talk about this, Jeyne.” Jon agreed.

“Alright, not going to talk about it.” And again in a singsong. “Not going to-“

“Or sing about it.” Jon interrupted her.

Jeyne pressed her lips together and nodded.

 

 

\---

Half an hour later at Sansa’s apartment

 

Knock. Knock. Knock. Sansa opened the door. She hadn’t expected someone in particular and was surprised to see Theon standing in front of the door.

“Oh, hey Theon.”

“Hi Sansa. Is Robb there?”

“Huh, yeah. Come in.”

“Thanks.”

“He’s in the living room.”

“Alright.” He walked into the living room where Robb was lying on the couch, watching TV. The two of them had stayed in touch after Robb had helped them getting Jeyne’s stuff from Ramsay’s, texting and meeting in the bar from time to time. “Hey Robb.”

Robb looked up. “Oh, hey Theon.” He looked at his watch. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with Kyra?” He bent his knees to make some room for Theon to sit down.

“Yeah, I had to cancel that.”

“What happened?”

“Jeyne.” Theon just said and Robb chuckled.

“Okay, what happened?” Robb asked again and Theon told him. Robb was still chuckling after Theon had ended.

“You think that’s funny?” Theon was slightly offended.

“No, it’s just so typically Jeyne. She always does stuff like that. Come here.” He lifted his arm and shuffled towards the edge of the couch to make more room for Theon.

Theon looked at him for a moment, shrugged and then just lay down next to Robb so that he could lay his arm around Theon’s shoulders.

 

 

Theon came back home the next day after spending the rest of the day and the night with Robb at Sansa’s, drinking beer, watching TV and just talk about stuff. When he left the elevator, Jeyne stood in front of it.

“Were you waiting for me? Seriously?” He asked as he passed her.

“No, Theon, but we need to talk.”

“Stop following me, Jeyne.” Theon said as he entered the apartment and walked towards his room.

“Then stop running away from me. I just want to have a mature conversation?”

Theon stopped and turned around. “How are we supposed to have a mature conversation if you can’t even say the word ‘penis’?”

“I can say the word… Pen-“

“Say it.”

“I… “ Then she mumbled something Theon couldn’t even understand.

“What?”

“Pernis.”

“You said ‘pernis’.”

“Peeeeniiiis.” She sang.

“Not singing.”

Then she moaned the word in a deep voice.

“Not like a ghost.”

“I, huh, I can say it.”

“Pianist.”

“No, you just said ‘pianist’.”

“Enispay.”

“Not pig Valyrian.”

“Peernis.”

“Okay, not in Dothraki. Say it with me: pe-”

“Pe-“

“-nis.”

“-nyear.”

“Yeah and I’m the one who’s immature, right.” He glared at her and without another word left for his room.

 

 

Later that evening Jeyne left the apartment to get Sansa from the club.

“Guys, I’m getting Sansa from the club. And just for your information, her douchebag boyfriend cheated on her so she’s most likely a little drunk. And she will probably sleep on the couch, okay?”

“Yeah.” Theon nodded without looking up from the TV. “Robb’s coming over, he can take her home with him then.”

“Her boyfriend cheated on her? Really? I have nothing to do either.” Loras said.

“Yeah, me too.” Jon nodded. “Just staying here in the apartment.”

When Jeyne came back with Sansa an hour later, Theon and Robb sat on the couch playing Fifa while Jon and Loras, also on the couch, were just watching them. The coffee table was full with beer bottles.

“Hey guys, hey favorite brother.” Sansa yelled as she came in, the pronunciation already a little blurry. “Why are you just sitting there? Sitting is boring. Let’s dance.” She threw her arms into the air. “Jeyne, turn the music on.”

Jeyne crossed her arms in front of her chest but put the music on anyway. The music wasn’t really on and Loras was on his feet, dancing with Sansa.

“Tyrell, you do remember that this is my little sister, right? Keep your hands where I can see them...” Robb said without looking up from the TV.

“We’re just dancing, having a little fun, Stark, you should try that too.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on you.”

 

Instead of going home after they had ended their game, Theon and Robb decided to go to the bar again.

“Jeyne, please take care that Tyrell’s nowhere near my sister when she’s asleep.” Robb said to Jeyne before they left.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“She can sleep in my room.” Jon shouted. “I’ll just sleep on the couch then.”

“Alright.”

 

Sansa had gone to bed and was already half asleep when Jon silently entered the room.

“Hey Sansa, I’m sorry, but the couch is pretty uncomfortable and I’m really tired and would like to sleep in my bed.

Sansa looked at him, smiled and moved over so Jon could lie down next to her. He pulled the blanket up and turned off the light. They lay there in silence for a while.

“I hate to sleep alone.” Jon whispered.

“Me, too.” Sansa agreed as she grabbed Jon’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “If you tell anyone that we held hands, I have at least two people in my phone that will kill you, understood?”


	4. Party bus

“Yo Theon, I’ve been working on something for you.” Jeyne said with a bright smile as Theon entered the kitchen area.

“Well, Hello to you, too…” Theon mumbled and sighed heavily. Jeyne had been living with them for nearly six months by then but she still managed to surprise them with her weird actions and quirks from time to time. “Do I really want to know what you’ve been working on?”

She still smiled at him. “Penis.”

Theon rolled his eyes and shook his head but also let out an affectionate chuckle. “You’re unbelievable.”

“-what? What do you mean I can‘t have the bus on Friday?! I booked it two months ago.” Loras also walked into the kitchen area. He was on the phone and didn’t look pleased. “Oh, yeah, I see… Well, thank you for nothing.” He shouted, ended the call and threw his phone on the kitchen isle. “That was it… I don’t get the party bus on Friday… Apparently it seems like I’m not as important as Rhaegar Targaryen… Pff, who is Rhaegar Targaryen anyway?! The party is cancelled.”

“Dude, come on.” Theon raised his hands. “You can’t cancel the party, man!”

“Why don’t you celebrate here? In our loft?” Jeyne asked as she poured some coffee into her favorite cup.

“Jeyne. Please.” Loras said and left towards his room.

“Theon.” Jeyne hissed. “We’ll organize the party for Loras. I take care for a replacement for his party bus and the food and your job is the guest list and the drinks. Understood?”

Theon rolled his eyes again. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer from his shelf. He opened the can and took a sip. “Jeyne?! Please? Don’t do this to me…”

“He is your best friend-“

“Jon is my best friend-“

“Come on, it’s Loras’ birthday and didn’t you see how sad he was when he was told that he couldn’t get the party bus? He’s been acting weird lately, I think he really needs the party bus and a real party.”

“Alright.” Theon gave in and thought for a moment. “I’ll take care of the guests and the drinks. I guess I could bring some stuff from the bar, I don’t think Jory would mind.”

They stopped talking the moment they heard Loras’ door open again. He seemed to have calmed down a bit. “I thought about that birthday stuff… I’ll probably just stay here with you guys, chilling in my mono, maybe I’ll bring monos for you guys too. Jeyne, could you invite Sansa, too?” His face lit up, he raised one eyebrow and a cheeky smile spread on his face (he called this his ‘make the ladies melt’-look). “I don’t think she could resist seeing me in my mono, that’ll be THE night.” He glanced at Theon.

“Did I hear that right?!” Theon laughed. “You mean this will be THE night?”

“What are you talking about?!” Jeyne looked curiously from Theon to Loras and back to Theon but none of them paid attention to her. “Guys, this is rude, tell me what you’re talking about!”

Loras smiled and looked at her. “A psychic once told me-“

“Wait! You seriously went to a psychic?” Jeyne laughed. “And you said I was gullible…”

“Do you want to hear it or not?!”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Well, as I said, a psychic once told me that I am going to spend one night with a model. A night full of pleasure and passion.”

Jeyne chuckled. “And you think this will be Friday night and that said model will be Sansa?”

They heard the front door and a moment later Jon stood next to them at the kitchen isle.

“What will Sansa be?” Jon cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

Theon answered his question with a wink. “Loras thinks that Friday night is THE night.”

Jon’s eyes widened. “And you think Sansa is the model that fraud was talking about.”

“First, that psychic wasn’t a _fraud_ , she even had a homepage, Jon. Second, it’s totally going to be THE night. Which woman could resist me in my mono?”

Jon raised his palm and put it on his face and sighed. Jeyne thought that he also looked a little annoyed. ”Loras, seriously, we all know what this is about.”

Loras looked confused and shared a look with Theon and Jeyne who both made a face and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, trying to sound calm even as his voice got slightly shriller.

Jon sighed again. “Renly is back-“

“This is not about Renly, Snow.” Loras declared firmly, his cheeks starting to redden. “It’s been over two years and we decided that we would never talk about this again.”

“So you didn’t know that Renly is-“

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!” Loras shouted, face completely red now. “Fuck you, Snow.” He hissed, grabbed his phone from the kitchen isle and stormed out of the kitchen and even out of the apartment.

“Whoa.” Jeyne looked after him and after a while she looked at Jon. “What was that? Was that really necessary, Jon? You obviously hit a raw spot-”

“But it’s true. Haven’t you noticed, Theon? Ever since Renly came back to town Loras behavior has changed? His hitting on Sansa has become- I don’t know how to put it- cringeworthy? He’s overdoing it, it’s too much-“

“Who is Renly, by the way?” Jeyne interrupted him.

“Renly is the love of Loras’ life.” Theon explained. “Loras was heartbroken when Renly left, it took him months to leave the apartment, it was even worse than your break up with Randy.”

Jeyne snorted at that comment. “Pff. Anyway, huh, I never thought there would be a woman who could break Loras Tyrell…”

“Renly is a guy.” Jon said.

“What?” Jeyne looked at him surprised. “But I thought Loras was- wait, Renly? Don’t tell me that Loras’ Renly is Renly Baratheon, President Robert Baratheon’s youngest brother?”

“That very Renly Baratheon.” Jon nodded.

Jeyne nodded thoughtfully. She looked from Jon to Theon and her eyes widened. “I have THE idea. And Theon, since the guests are your range of duty-”

Theon and Jon shared a side glance and Theon started to shake his head slowly. “No, Jeyne, don’t-“

“- we’ll invite Renly to Loras’ birthday party.”


End file.
